Thursday, August 30, 2012

Right Where I Belong

Look, don't lump me in with you people by posting memes, erecting billboards, nailing up posters, and handing out pamphlets that say "We are the 99%." What is this "we" shit, anyway? I don't know who this "we" is of whom you speak, but please stop trying to make me a part of it.

Even if I were to lose it all and become a homeless beggar, I'd wander to Hollywood and take up residence with my shopping cart full of faux-fur coats, my guitar, trumpet, and accordion, my pet spider Selene (even when you're homeless, it's easy enough to find free food for a tarantula), and of course my top hat and cane. I'd wear my Imperial crest and all the other hobos would know me only as "The Tsar," that weird guy who makes indiscernible prophecies about the inevitable fate of peoples' left shoes or their children's second favorite toys in broken English, Russian, French, Latin, and Hebrew. Yes, even then I would know I was too high-born to be associated with this rabble that calls itself the "99%."

I've also far too guilty a conscience to take part in this "1%" rubbish as well. If I were to become super rich I'd undoubtedly give most of it away to charities, minus the funds it would take to maintain my collection of faux-fur coats, my instruments, my pet arachnids, and of course my top hat and cane. So, as I'm neither the 99 nor the 1, I guess that makes me the 0. And as the 0 card in the Tarot deck is The Fool, I'd say that puts me right where I belong. 

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