Friday, December 5, 2014

Depression and Getting Out of Bed: The Battle at Fort Comforter

Some mornings, this is just the way it goes... 

VOICE IN MY HEAD
: "Get out of bed."
OTHER VOICE IN MY HEAD: "Go away."
VOICE: "You need to get up."
OTHER VOICE: "Go away. Depressed."
VOICE: "All the more reason. Get up. You gotta take a pill and then wait an hour before you eat. During that hour you can start working. That'll make you feel better."
OTHER VOICE: "Can't move. It's cold."
VOICE: "That sounds like an excuse."
OTHER VOICE: "Damn right it is."
VOICE: "You'll feel better when you start working."
OTHER VOICE: "What's the point? No one gives a shit about my art anyway."
VOICE: "That's not technically true."
OTHER VOICE: "Right. I post a stupid meme or a lame joke and I've gotten like 80 likes. I post a song I wrote and poured my heart into and I get like 7 at most."
VOICE: "First of all, social media is really not the best way to measure success. Second of all, 7 is better than none, right?"
OTHER VOICE: "Doesn't feel like it."
VOICE: "Ok, look, if in a year's time you still have such a small audience, I'll admit that we're failing pretty hard. Right now, you're building up from nothing. So 7 is a success."
OTHER VOICE: "But the numbers haven't grown at all."
VOICE: "You also haven't been able to do much promotion yet. In the meantime, you need to work on this other stuff."
OTHER VOICE: "No. I wanna stay here and die."
VOICE: "Look, you're not going to build an audience from that bed!"
OTHER VOICE: "I'm lonely."
VOICE: "I... what? Where did that come from?"
OTHER VOICE: "You know damn well where that came from."
VOICE: "Fair enough, but you're not going to find a partner by laying in bed, and, as you put it, dying, now are you?"
OTHER VOICE: "Maybe I will. Maybe Jesus will give me somebody when I'm dead."
VOICE: "You're so dramatic."
OTHER VOICE: "Yes I am. Now go away."
VOICE: "Look, I'm not promising you success; I'm not promising you happiness. All I'm saying is that you will be in less pain if you get up, put on whatever clothes you find, and sit your ass in front of the computer. There are three songs that need your attention right now, and before you tell me that no one will listen to them, remember, I'm not saying they will. I'm just saying that working on them is better for you than not working on them at this very moment."
OTHER VOICE: "So my goal is not to attain anything good so much as distract myself from anything bad."
VOICE: "For today, yes. You only need to survive today. Tomorrow may bring different opportunities. But your chances of them being any better than today's are significantly smaller if you don't get up right now."
OTHER VOICE: "You... hey...  don't try and invalidate my pain with your logic!"
VOICE: "Your pain is quite valid. Haven't I let you stay in bed many times before? Don't I recognize days when it would probably be better to just cocoon yourself and hide from the world?"
OTHER VOICE: "Yes."
VOICE: "But today is not one such day."
OTHER VOICE: "Uuugggghhhh."
VOICE: "You won't find artistic validation nor love by staying in that bed today, now get the fuck up!"
OTHER VOICE: "GAH! FINE! I'm up, all right? FUCK!!"
VOICE: "That a boy."

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